20 years of age (HAPPY BIRTHDAY)

most birthday girl or boy will enjoy this day where they can celebrate it with friends and family n beloved one i a bit unlucky this year to celebrate my 20 birthday in sick condition.the only wish i want is to get cured and get rid of my tumor thats been bugging me out since april last year..

but as a birthday girl im glad that ALLAH give me long life a let me see his world again and follow his will. i promise and i set goals of not betraying him anymore.. he help me alot in going through my first surgery even though it was a failure. and i know he will be always by my side watching me and helping me.Im starting to fall in love again but yet im not ready to wear tudung yet.slowly lah kan.i nak betul kyusuk sembhanyang n recite the quran alot and when my iman is back then i know im ready to wear tudung wihtout opening it again...... hope so..

YA ALLAH KUATKANLAH AQ DAH SEMBUHKANLAH AQ.

im sad that i have to extend my semester what a great birthday present but im doing this 4 my best even though i cannot graduate n practicum with my friends but i know that i will do better if im well in my studies now i want to focus on my health n rest a lot

last day of being 19

its less than 24 hours and i will be 20 leaving the teens world reslly make me sad but entering the ty's world make me more mature.well i have only one wish is that i want to get rid of my disease.i want to be normal again.walk normal eat normal n urinate normal.its kind of hard wearing a tube n u have to move here and there..

WELL HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY WISH TO ME

HOSPITAL HOSPITAL HOSPITAL

HOSPITAL is like a second house to me now. i know that i will be spending time there more often then my home or college. i really miss going to college.i wanna stud but im not capable of it. been admitted to HKL is a lot of experience. seriously our PRIME MINISTER should change the HKL building its too old and freaky n scary..its like a dungeon. but the room i get is cozy a bit its like a budget hotel..but they have hot water for bathe so i bathe like 4 times a day. in my ward that is neuro6A, most of the patient have tumor inside their head but most of them doesn't show any symptom of pain n sick..they we so happy n not feel any pain like me. here i met kak rohaida she has tumor in her head but she didn't feel any pain at all best for her right. and i met hidayah she is younger than me one year.she had an accident and was hit by 3 cars and she survive but faces lots of nerves problems. amazing right. and the sad thing is that before i hav to go for MRI scan i saw the nurse brings a corpse. i was shock and thought did someone died and yes one of the critical patient pass away i was sad because in the morning when i was walking to get the clothes at the store i saw the patient was doing fine but weak but the next thing i knew she is dead. but its good she died on friday..terlepas azab kubur die....if i have a short life i wish to die on Friday n at mekah...well i have exam next week but too tired to study cant barely walk now.. n have to do another MRI cause the old one sucks....

NEW YEAR 2011 NEW EXPECTATIONS

Happy New Year everyone..its so sad that i have to celebrate my new year at the hospital..ive been warded cause i cannot urinate like normal person so i have to used THE CBD thats what the doc called i dont know the long term for it. all i know is that i might need to go for another surgery since my last surgery was a failure. and yet this time i hope it works..please ALLAH help me. i found out that i havea tumor and it might be a cancer. the terms for my disease is barely yet unknown cause it might be MALIGNANT NEURO FIRBO SARCOMA SACRUM (which is very dangerous) or NEURO FIBRO MITOSIS ( GENE DISEASE) I HOPE MINE IS THE SECOND ONE..

since its new year i have only one expectations and goals for this year that is :

TO GET WELL SOON AND GET RID OF MY DISEASE (GODS WILLING)

GOODBYE 2010

there are lots of memories and experience that i face in this wonderful year..but there are also terrible things and sad things happen this year... let me give you guys a look into my 2010 journey..

HAPPY EVENTS

* having a blast birthday celebration with family (1st time)
* celebrate my 1st anniversary with my dearest ALIAS ISKANDAR
* Watch a 2 football match at BUKIT JALIL stadium (kelantan vs n9 and kedah vs n9)
* got a good result for my exam
* went on a lot of dates with my boo
* eat JHONNY'S for a week
* got a new phone from dad N97 mini
* got a britney spear original perfume from dad
* Got a brand new car (viva @ lullaby)

SAD EVENTS

* know that i have a bone displacement n have a leg pain problem
* went for traditional surgery at KOTA KEMUNING
* went for cyst surgery but found out that i have a tumor
* have to use a wheelchair to move here and there
* cannot urinate like a normal person have to used a tube bag


this is just some of the things i remember during my 2010 years lets hope the 2011 will be a better year for me.. insyallah...

18 november 2010

my surgery................

a new member of the family

Hello!! my name is Princess GaGa

i love to sleep like this

my sad face

farewell Putrajaya

its been 7 years i spent my life here.i really love this place it is quiet,peaceful and theres no many cars and people. ive been here since form one and until i went to the university.it makes me sad leaving this place cause i dream of live n die here( so dramatic).anyway packing was tiring.now the house is empty.i mean no bed to lie down.no chair to sit n no table n the most important thing is that there is no TV.man...i wanna watch ANTM.hahahah wish i could be one (mengada) missing college but also missing home..hurmmm...going to dengkil soon..hope it will be a new experience there.

10KG

believe it or not.. i have drop 10kg within a month before the operation my weight was 55kg a yesterday i check my weight was 45kg.. man thats a lot of weight reduce..hurmm maybe its due to lack of eating n tension....even though it is my dream to drop weight until less than 50kg.but this doesnt make me happy at all it makes me sad seeing i have lost lots of weight..i have to eat a lot now

feels like crying

hurmmm.woke up this mroning with the pain at my right leg...man when the pain going to go away.im tired of it..but this morning it hurts so much feels like cutting off my leg n put it all together again..so in pain..from my butt to the feet.i think its because it is cold today n people who has this cannot stay long in a cool place..it became worse but if it a hot place it will be ok...i experience that already.being bathe with salt with the past few days and i think it helps a bit n thats why i want to go n buy bath salt or normal raw salt, so that i can bathe it with warm water..another thing that relieves my pain is body shop spray . something got to do with foot spray i thing help relieves pain cause it is cool..

the real me??

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

1. You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
2. You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
3. You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.
4. Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?
5. Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

love love love

missing this little angel so much.

i want nobody nobody but u

i want nobody nobody but u

missing him so much.all the fun times that we had.all the memories..you are my love forever...

feeling so lonely

despite i got the chance to soend 1 day at MSU with all my frends it helps me relieve my stress away.but as soon as i got home alone n lone..i feel so sad..thinking about my sickness...im so desperately want to cure n get well so bad..n i want to learn goto MSU and stop thinking bout the sickness.but whenever im alone that think keeps bugging my mind..being crying all day and everyday...just feeling so lonely n helpless....i want to cure so bad n iwant to be back normal..im so sad that i cannot go to class for the first week but ill be going there on the second week by hook or by crook...i miss my frends which entertain me n help me gwt rid of thinking that im sick....i feel so lonely n alone and as if no one caresf or me....im helpless...

next semester expectation

next semester expectation:

1. no more internet on weekdays
2. study and make notes on the topic learnt on the day
3. eat healthy
4. no more maggi
5. eat less junk food
6. study at least 2 hours a day
7. clean room always
8. pray 5 times a day
9. recite quran every nite and yassin on thursday
10. where tudung

a little light shines in the dark

hye there bloggie,

yes theres a light in this dark end, went to HOSPITAL KUALA LUMPUR to meet the specialist. he said that this is a very rare case.. and he dont think it is cancerous yet.cause i didnt show any symptom.he said that he will have a meeting with 2 or 3 more specialist from neurosurgeri, radio and so forth.not so gud in the terms..anyway he said that i should be careful nrest and come quickly to HKL if theres a problem.. adn if i dont show any bad symptom no need for surgery in the nearest time..THANK GOD.but still need to do surgeri.he said its like fluid so the surgeri will be like sucking it out...still to early to do anything cause he said that he need to be careful and study a lot..thats a gud doc.... i went back a little hope in my heart and hope for the best and not the worse..ALLAH is there with me n im sure he will help me....

boring!!

what a boring day today..doing nothing just lying down... internet.. n eat n cannot sleep..boy i miss sleeping peacefully.. when am i going o get better please im tired of it already n i want it to end..i know its an ujian for me..i accept it but please cant it be gone now????? please ALLAH.... ive learn my lesson....i wont forget u anymore....please get rid of all the bad things inside or outside of me n the sickness that im having.... AMIN!!!!

just got back from kelantan

hye bloggie!!

i just came back from kelantan yesterday..it was one hell of experience on riding a wheelchair in the airport..went there to seek for traditional doctors to get me cure..ikhtiar all they way.... whether it is success or not lets leave it to ALLAH..hope things will get better

hey bloggie!!!

i went to opent my wound today and again there is still a little bit gap..please ALLAH let the gap stop n let my skin comes together nicely...im so damn bored..using this holidays just 4 resting n curing my disease.. i miss going out...watch movies n have fun..would i ever feel that again??? or would i end up in a wheelchair and be and OKU person??? lets pray not.... tommorow i'll be going back to kelantan to cure using the traditional way..hope there will be improvement or cured..and im well enough... and again the same problem pain in my tooot............ sucks really..cant sleep when its bitting me off... got leg cramps all the time.....come on im no football player...

anyway congrates kelatan for winning..im so proud of you..

and for my idol AIDIL ZAFUAN get well soon k..my dear...you are a strong man

aidil zafuan..love him

suddenly got the blogging thing back

its been a long tyme that i didnt update my blog.cause ive got the blog thingy failure..and rather than that im having problems with my health... nothing much happen to me just that been going here and there just to get me cured.. the latest i know that i have tumor somewhere in my stomach and in my butt bone and the name of my disease is malignant neurofibrosarcoma sacrum and the sickness is 1 in a 1000000. imagine that!!!! maybe my case is the first case in MALAYSIA .

well college life!!! im on vacation right now. a 1 month vacation and that vacation is used for treatment..no joy at all... i want to got out watch the movies, bowling, karaoke.but i know it would be just a dream since im recovering from my surgery.. ill be back in college insyallah on the 20th of november if im well enough...if not ill be postponing my studies..

SURGERY EXPERIENCE?

you cant never ever imagine what i felt few hours to my sugery at KPJ specialist in kajng..i was so damn scared n have a bad feeling about it..maybe i was just nervous.. then when i went to the operation waiting room this mr chinese guy gave me a medicine to calm me down..few minutes later i passed out without even entering the OPERATION THEATHER YET. hahha funny isnt it.but when i woke up it was like a bad dream i was in the middle of ICU room n in n EMERGENCY room.where they are putting wires around me and putting oxygen and tranfering blood was drip for me and so forth. i was panicking and i saw my mum,dad, along and abg hanif far away. iwask them what happen and no one replied.. i was so afraid thought i was going to die.. and started to scream WHAT HAPPEN?? DH BEDAH KE BELUM?? my mum replied : they cannot do it it to much bleeding so they are transfering you to HOSPITAL SERDANG. and i was like why?? inst here specialist??? infact the ambulance ride was like a big mess.. even im not 100% concious i have the gutt to hold to pedal since the ambulance is moving fast and im in a critical position. when we reached serdang hospital i was delivered to EMERGENCY RED ZONE..!!!! get it zone bahaya.. its like around 12.30 in the afternoon as i remembered. i saw.alias my sayunk, my family n auntie tipah.. that tyme i was still panicking and very thirsty but they dont allowed me to drink

.it feels like you are dying and like you havent drank 4 one whole year.i cried to the doc and ask them to give me at least a drip of water but they just watered my mouth....at 11.20 pm they sent me up to the ward emergency for me to rest... and i was critical for 3 days..all i remember CHRISTINA CAME N NAUFAL CAME N MY SAYUNK ALIAS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE...all i want to say FUCK YOU SPEACIALIST KAJANG AND THE DOC WHO OPERSTE ME.you dont know what your doing then stop being a doc k.... someone can die.....hurmm anyway spent 1 week at hospital serdang,,... and the food YUCK!!!! awfull...i was so weak that tyme n even now...but this will be a memory for me.. an di hope n i beg that i wont go through surgery again..not like this.....

thats all for now!!!!!!tooodles

currently recoverinf from surgery

hey bloggie!!! long tyme no see.. im buy with my life right now curing from a surgery that was done on the 18th of october 2010.only GOD knows how freaky am i when the surgery was not successful n i have to be transfered to HKL and during my critical time i was alive.. i mean i was concious even though i cannot responds... ALLAH gave me life n i will not let HIM down..... im so glad but i know i have to go through the surgery again cause they found a tumor.a very rare tumor..like1 in a million hurmmm i redha for what i get but im not strong enough to handle it all by myself....